I love her man..

You don't love her, you're deceived.

There is a poison called "individualism" that has taken an extreme form. It has turned into a monster. The word I just used is 'individualism.' You know what individualism is? You're only worried about.. who? Yourself! You're only worried about yourself. The expression we use in our language is 'looking out for number one,' you must have heard that before. So all a person is concerned about is himself.

Now, in a capitalist society, that's expected.. right? I mean the 'pursuit of happiness' means your own happiness? The pursuit of opportunity means opportunity for yourself. And the 'open market' means you go make what you can for yourself, means you're looking out for yourself. But that's in the market place. Now what I am saying is that from the market place, that attitude has left the market place and entered our homes. It has entered into the psyche of the human being.

We have become insanely self-centered. And we're not talking about just Islamic standards here, lets think of it from a global point of view.  You know in older societies across the world.. taking care of your family was important. Taking care of your neighborhood was important, taking care of your culture was important. They would do things for others that sometimes didn't even concern them. For example you're walking down the road and you see some trash outside the trash can in front of someone's home, even if they were not Muslim, you'd say to yourself: I should take care of my neighborhood and you pick up that thing and you put it in the trash. Because you're worried about others more than yourself. And the strongest bond that people felt was the bond of unity.

But in our times, individualism is at an extreme. So extreme that a person (even if they are a Muslim this happens) that a person is so obsessed with themselves that they don't care about ANYBODY else. Not even their parents, not even their children, not even their husbands or their wives, let alone other Muslims.

Now you'd be wondering why I am talking about individualism? Well, I happen to witness one of the consequences of individualism.. one boy in our vicinity is regularly talking to a Muslim girl.. or worse. And that's actually happening, obviously I'm not going to spell it out for you, but one of these guys is. And probably one of those guys reading this page is. And that's really happening. Its just a fact of life.

You know when I talk to him he says: "I love her man! I love her so much!"

You DON'T LOVE HER! You really don't! You couldn't care less for her. You think she's cute. That's all it is.

Love before Marriage is a LIE

Love before Marriage is a LIE

You feel good talking to her. You feel good about yourself. Its not about her its really about you. You're selfish. And if her parents find this out, the humiliation you will feel.. and if you dump her for another girl? Or if she is embarassed.. the feeling she will go through, you'll drop her like a bad habbit because you don't care. You only care about yourself.

And she doesn't care about her own family and the pain she will cause them. She only cares about herself too. And you don't care about your degnity, and you don't care about the fact that she's a Muslim and what you're doing is unacceptable to.. You don't care man?!? You don't even care about Allah (سبحانه و تعالی) at this point?? You become THAT individualistic. So these things have a manifestation on the way we think. The way we don't care about the consequences. When a person says: "I don't care man?" "bring it.." "I don't care what happens?"

You know where this attitude comes from? It doens't just come from "I don't care about what happened.." in addition "I don't care about what anyone thinks or feels including my own family."

Individualism is at extreme. You know the extreme form of this? We're probably the craziest society when it comes to crimes related to mahram and non-mahram interaction. Why is this society so full of crimes related to girls and guys? This is the extreme of individualism.. They say, "I don't even care what happens to this girl or guy?" That's how disgusting the society has become. They don't care. They become numb just like animals. You know when an animal sees his pray.. it doens't think what is this girl going to think what about her parents etc.. If its going to eat, its going to eat.. if it has an urge its going to fulfill? The extreme form of individualism is found in animals. That's where its found. And today we are finding it in human beings.

In one way or the other, individualism has an impact on ALL OF US. May be some of us are not at the extreme of individualism as compared to some others. But in one way or the other it has an impact on all of us. We are more selfish today then we were ever before. We are less concerned with family and community and society and deen than we were before. We just worry more and more about ourselves.

If you have imaan in your heart, Allah (سبحانه و تعالی) gives us as the consequence of this imaan  that you're not only concerened about yourself. Who else are you concerned about? "Others." You're concerened about others too. And you begin with your own family:

قُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارً At-Tahrem [66:6]

I'd like to give you an example. This actually happened at the time of our Prophet (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم). This man comes to the Prophet (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم) and he has got an urge, and he says to the Prophet (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم) that he wants to do the thing.. you know? he says I want to do that which is very bad. And the Messenger (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم) realizes, imagine when a person comes to the Messenger (علیہ السلام) can you see the embarrassment it brings to our Prophet (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم). That he says right away that he wants to do this? Its humiliating, right? So the fact that he was able to step on his shame and still comes to the Prophet (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم) means this guy definitely has got some imaan left in him. Some shame in him is left so he comes to the best counselor he could find which is Allah's Messenger (صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم). What counsel he heard from the Prophet? That's the counsel I want to give you.

Look, if you're a young man reading this page. And you have a relationship with a girl and it is inappropriate (haram). How acceptable is it to you that your sister should be in a relationship? How acceptable is it to you for someone to be staring at your mother, at your wife, at your daughter. How'd you feel if someone else goes ahead and makes a relationship with your sister, with your daughter, with your mother or your wife? That's something unfathomable to us, its something unimaginable and something we'll never tolerate. Well the one you're in relationship with is also someone's daughter, she's also someone sister. She's going to be someone's wife and she's also going to be someone's mother. Have some dignity, show some respect. If you have respect for your family, it will be easy to have respect for someone else's family. But when you don't have respect for your own family, its easy to not have respect for someone else's family. Its easy to not lower you eyes. Its easy to do whatever it is that you're doing.

We have to FIGHT this individualism. You have to become respectful of your own family. Then only you'll find respect for others.

You have to think byond family. Family is a bond of blood, isn't it? Family is something that combines us together because of blood relationships.. But there's a relationship Allah gave us that even thicker than bood. What relationship is that? Its Deen. When we all share "لا اله الا الله" and when we all share "محمد رسول الله" this bond is much thicker than blood. We are connected by something that is strong than any other relationship.

You see she is a Muslim on top of everything else. She's a Muslimah too? And I'm not saying its ok with those who're not muslims don't get me wrong. The fact that you don't have respect for the strongest of the bonds.. remember she is also someone who is going to stand before Allah. And you have to stand before Allah.. say to yourself "I should have respect for her. If she doesn't have respect for herself at least I can still have respect for her." If I don't have respect for her, I have respect for her old father.. have that much.. SubhanAllah.

You know the guys who are in such relationships, when we talk to them they say:

"Akhi I know what I am doing is wrong, I wanna break up with her man but.. I feel she's really going to feel bad.. she's going to feel really sad.. "

And sisters too.. you know? There is this brother they've been talking to for a while and they're kind of in love etc they realize the bond is getting strong, they wanna break it but.. "I don't wanna break his heart.. I don't wanna see him sad.."

Listen to me.. Let me tell you something.. You're breaking her heart, and at the same time saving her heart. You're saving her emaan. She will get over you. Trust me.. trust me.. she will forget you definitely. There will be others to come and take your place. But what you're saving her from is the torment, the torment of loosing her entire faith. Show some mercy to the other.. save their faith.. let them go.. let them go.. Don't think you're doing an act of cruelity, that is an act of mercy. That's an act of mercy to her and her family. If you let her go, its an act of mercy to herself as well as her family. Her family is safe from torture and humiliation. SubhanAllah. Be merciful.

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